The Sunday Post-Church Crowd

I'm one of the few people who don't mind working on Sundays. I don't go to church or have a particular faith so there is usually an air of emptiness and a pointlessness to Sunday which makes me like to keep busy. A lot of people like church and a lot of people like eating together after church. A lot of people like eating after church with all the kids and grandparents attached. Which is great and dandy unless the story goes something like this...

A family of five come in about an hour before my shift ends. Three of them are little kids. Ok, cool. "Hi my name is L..." before I can finish introducing myself the mother is barking to her kids about what they want to drink. Ok fine, she has three kids to deal with so we will let that slide.

Lady: "What kind of juice do you have?"

Me: " We have orange, pineapple, grapefruit and cranberry."

Lady: "Do you have apple juice?"

Me: "No, Mam"

(Me in my head: We have ORANGE... PINEAPPLE... GRAPEFRUIT and CRANBERRY.)

So the lady starts to order the drinks, meanwhile her kids start whining and throwing a fit to me that the crayons are rolling around too much on the table. (What am I supposed to do about that? Whittle them into square shapes? It's a crayon, it's freaking round kid. Round shapes roll. Deal with it.)

So then the husband sits down. He looks about as excited to have Sunday lunch with his family as I imagine people look when being diagnosed with herpes. Who is he going to be rude and demanding to because his kids are obnoxious and messy? Well that would be me. So I go get the drinks and come back. The mother orders fettuccine alfredo for her kids and telling me to make sure they cut the chicken up into really little bits. (Would you like the cooks to chew it for your children too while they are at it?) So before I leave the table, the husband has already downed lemonade number one. (Let it be known... the glasses where I work are huge. If they were little I wouldn't be as disgusted as when people gluttonously down them over and over again). So I return with lemonade number 2 and the baby has begun gloriously screaming at the top of his lungs.

Lady: "Don't you have some bread or something?" (Rudely)

Because somehow it is my fault her baby is crying. We do not just give out complimentary bread at this particular restaurant. Most people just assume and feel entitled to all restaurants giving out some free bread, chips or crackers.)

So I go fetch her some bread and bring out her kids chicken fettuccine cut into small little bits. Husband has downed lemonade #3. They order lasagnas. I return with lemonade # 4 and their kids are whining for more bread. Within the 1 minute those kids had food in front of them there was a tornado of noodles, white sauce, bread bits dirty napkins and crayons everywhere. I try to do a little bus to keep it neat but I am no match for this family. I figured it was just the kids until I brought out the adult's lasagna and then realized these people are just barbaric like the vikings. Were they raised in a civilized manner where people eat over the plate? I guess not.

So they finish up and ask for the bill. I bring them the bill which totals about $60. They pay then leave. I return to bus this horrific disgusting mess they left. I almost took a picture of it for this blog just to prove I am not exaggerating. There was food, soiled silverware and all kinds of little horrors that made it to the walls, mushed in the carpet, smeared on the booth. So, it's an hour past when I am supposed to be off. I cleaned it up and picked up the checkbook. They left me 5 dollars for a $60 bill = .08 %.

It was a such pleasure waking up on Sunday morning to come cater to your pleasant family after church and clean up after your sweet little offspring.

Thanks, Jesus loves you and please come again.

Lesson #1 of Dining out: The Tip

15-20%: Good service. (Your server was friendly to you, answered all your questions, responded to your needs as timely as possible).

10-15%: Is a bad tip. It should be reserved only for really bad service ( Your server was not friendly to you. Your drinks were not filled and you and your needs were for the most part ignored).

0-10%: Only if you are so mad you plan on never ever going to that restaurant again because if you got good or decent service and left that as a tip trust me you will never get good service there again.

Something I find to be true in many but not all cases are that people do not tip according to the quality of service but out of some selfish sense of entitlement that they can leave whatever they feel like because it's left up to their discretion. i.e I already spent 60 dollars on food... Why do I have to give her $12 too? Because asshole, I just worked for you and that is the customary amount to pay me for the job. If you came to work for me and I just felt like paying you half that day because I'm a selfish asshole then how would you feel? I am a luxury not a right. If you don't want to tip then how about cook at home and clean up after yourselves people.